I know the real origins of Thanksgiving aren’t exactly something to celebrate. But my family and I use this holiday as a way for us to get together and reconnect. We barely see each other throughout the year. And when we do, we always break bread together. That’s just one of the ways we bond. And since we’re all off of work to observe this holiday, it’s another opportunity for us to love on one another and eat together.
With that being said, I’m very aware that for some people, Thanksgiving holidays isn’t all roses and rainbows. For some, this holiday requires a lot of skill and a fake smile to get through the day. I should know, I’ve been invited to plenty of family soirees where you have to bite your lip, smile brightly, and get the hell out of dodge when the time calls for it. Has that ever happened to you? Well, if you find yourself in this predicament this holiday season, then allow me to provide some useful tips and a bit of comic relief to the situation. Welcome to Surviving Thanksgiving 101.
Holiday Survival Tactics
Ignore, Ignore, Ignore
If you have a relative or a friend who can be extremely obnoxious or ignorant, the best advice I can give you is to ignore the shit out of them. Smile in their face and allow what they say to go in one ear and out the other. This may not sound easy at first, but with time, they will annoy the hell out of you. Which means, this tip will become your best friend. Just think about what would happen if you didn’t master this skill. As my grandmother used to say, ignorant people will beat you every time with their ignorance. Not because their smart, but because they’re so dumb you’ll stop debating them. So why even go there.
A Hotel is Your Best Friend
I don’t mind if some family or friends stay with me. But when you’re dealing with a distant relative that can be overbearing or just uncouth, the best thing you can do is recommend the nearest hotel. Your home should be your sanctuary. And no one is gonna run me out of my damn home just to get some peace and quiet. So here are your choices: 1. You can offer up your home to family members you can actually deal with. Which means you won’t have any room to host them and they will be forced to go to the nearest hotel. 2. Or you can allow them to stay and make your holiday a living hell. Which one do you prefer?
Don’t Dress too Fancy
Some people love dressing up for the holidays. But when you’re around some family or friends that are accident prone, you might end up spending more time in the bathroom cleaning that brand new outfit you just purchased. And you can forget about taking the outfit back if you really didn’t like it. So make sure to choose clothing that looks great, are comfortable, and can handle a stain.
Make Your Bathroom Break Meaningful
When you need an escape from family and friends, the bathroom/powder room is the best place to go. Think about it, you’re alone in a room with a locked door where you can breathe and collect yourself for a moment. What can be better than that, unless it stinks in there and let’s hope for the best. If you need extra reinforcement, take your cell in there with you and call a good friend who can calm you down.
Introducing Your Lover
If you’re introducing your significant other to your dysfunctional family for the first time, then your lover needs to know how dysfunctional your family is a month in advance. Trust me, you don’t want to use the shock and awe method. So inform them about your family as much as you can and pray for the best. Now on the flip side, if your significant other just told you how crazy their family is, then there are some preparations you have to make. You need to know how to smile a lot, answer questions briefly (without lengthy debate), and keep your mouth closed until you leave. And never, ever, come off as if you’re better than them. That will just cause more problems in the long run. So simply smile and it’ll all be over before you know it.
Curse Them Out in Your Head
I’m a beautiful woman with no kids, so I know how it feels to have family members ask you “When are you going to get married?” or “You’re not getting any younger so you better start having kids.” When that happens, I smile and politely say “We’ll See.” But inside, I’m literally cursing them the hell out in my head. It may sound strange but it feels cathartic when you do it. Just make sure whatever you say in your head, stays in your head. Don’t start blurting shit out. Although it would be fun, it would be awkward as hell too. And you probably won’t get a chance to make you a take home plate.
Although these tips are comical, they are also real life advice I learned myself or have learned from others. So don’t take them for granted and apply them in your own life accordingly. And I do mean accordingly. Don’t start blaming me for cursing someone out in public when I said do it in your head. Got it? Good. Do you have any survival Thanksgiving tips to share? If so, share them below. And make sure to not name names so no one gets hurt (smiles).