Relationships are a tricky topic to talk about it. Some people believe, when a relationship is over, it’s simply over. And others believe relationships are only meant to pass the time. As for me, I believe past relationships teach us valuable lessons we can only learn through experience.
Since I’ve only had two relationships in my lifetime, I can’t say I’m an expert on the subject. But since both relationships lasted longer than 6 months, I think I have a bit of experience to share. And since I love talking with you guys about various topics, I thought why not explore the lessons I’ve learned from my own past relationships.
Respect is key
You always hear trust or love is the most important factor in making a relationship work. But in my opinion, having respect for each other is more important than the two. You can grow to love and trust someone, but if you don’t respect each other the relationship will never work. Respect also provides a certain empathy within a relationship. Because when you respect someone, you won’t just say you won’t hurt them. You actually won’t because of the respect you have for them. Think about it. Do you have someone in your life you respect? Would you ever think about crossing them? I thought not. So when looking for someone to share your life with, know you deserve to be respected.
I always cringe when I see people who have this pre-conceived notion of the type of person they want in their lives. I used to be that person. And that list of “wants” I had never worked. I learned that when I met my former fiancé. Before his death, he taught me how to look beyond the superficial and see something I never thought I wanted. So throw away the list and look for things that will truly make you happy. Does the person you like make you laugh? Do they put a smile on your face when you need it the most? Those are the things that truly count. And you will never see it if your head is buried in that list.
Compromise doesn’t mean losing you
There is nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to self-care. But when you’re in a relationship, at some point, you’ll have to compromise. I’ve heard, when you compromise you lose who you are. But I don’t necessarily believe that. In order for compromise to work, both parties have to be fully on board with their agreement. Don’t lie and say you are, when you’re not. That doesn’t help a relationship. Be honest and put yourself aside for the moment and do what’s right for your family. And when the time is right, find a way to get what you want. Compromise doesn’t mean you’ll never get what you want. It simply means you won’t get what you want at that moment. Nothing is stopping you from getting what you want months from now. And if you don’t go get it, that’s your own fault.
Vulnerability isn’t a weakness
I’m tired of hearing, “Men look weak when they cry” or “Women are too emotional.” There all bullsh*t to me. Being vulnerable, with someone you love, is a powerful thing. You’re telling them you love them and you feel safe with them. And telling someone you feel safe to be who you are around them is HUGE. When you do that, they know they’re not getting an imitation of you. They’re getting the real you. It humbles and strengthens your relationship, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. And there’s nothing more beautiful than that. Being vulnerable is the ultimate act of love. Don’t be afraid to express it. But a word to the wise, never express your vulnerability with someone that hasn’t earned it. They have to earn you, to be able to see that side of you.
Since I didn’t want this editorial to be too long, I didn’t include all the lessons I’ve learned from my past relationships. But I hope the four lessons I learned will help guide you through your own relationship or search for the right person.
Let’s chat below about some of the lessons you’ve learned in past relationships. You know I love a good conversation.